Murdered By Love!
Like an excited kid
You giggle and run back and forth in my head
Screaming, “catch me, catch me!”
I shriek, “wait for me!”
You howl back
“I can’t stop this motion, please catch up!”
But I remain rooted to the floor
My eyes staring- hypnotized
As you shrink-increasingly dwarfed by the distance
My voice rings out after you
But returns unanswered
Escorted back by grave silence
Lost is what I have become
Trapped in the middle of nowhere
Knowing you are gone fracturing my mind
Looking at my now desolate world
I scream into the wind like a maniac
“She was all I had…”Justice, justice, I have been robbed”!
My skull becomes a ghost town
Where ghostly memories play at
Taunting and haunting
My sighs go forth
As the wind forerunning rain
Salty tears trickling in the stormy sequence
Death is man’s destination
Life is the train that makes the journey
So with one puffed breath at a time
I fade into it
For you, miss secnarf
posted by Vessel of Mercy at
8:06 PM
4 Comments:
Beautiful poem, very deep and expressive. I like it!
Mythologically, this reads like a variation on Orpheus and Eurydice.
"Escorted back by grave silence" is a stunning line.
"Taunting and haunting" has an echo effect which cleverly suggests the unreality/emptiness of what is left.
The one line that does not work for me is "Life is the train". It is dead metaphor and not as original as the rest of the poem. It is a too easy expression for a more complex poem.
The endings of poems are often the hardest parts to right...would you say so?
Zeljko!
surprised to see you.
Eshu,
I really like and appreciate your comments. They always reflect thoughtfulness and passion.
I am not sure I understand what you mean by a "dead metaphor"
Beginnings and Endings can be tricky but sometimes, I intuitively know what they should be. My experience is that when you write, you sometimes don't know where you are going to end up and new things always come up along the way which you must find space for.So it gets complicated, leaving open the possibility of loose ends.
Poetry writing like any art, has an exciting quality to it.You may be so excited at your creation that you would hastily publish before you had time to check for structural consistency.I admit that I didn't work very hard at the end: it didn't seem terribly important as the beginning and the middle for me.
My opinion is that, most times, the perfect ending is a product of patience. And excitement strains at patience.
God bless you.
dead metaphor=a term in literary criticism for an idea that has been over-used.
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